grow up already

the “aaaaahh” moment
July 15, 2010, 1:58 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I have tried to quit smoking several times in the last couple of years. The first serious attempt in 2008 ended when I smoked a cigarette sometime during the 3rd day…which is the time of the peak physical nicotine withdrawal. Holy shit. That cigarette didn’t make me go “aaahh,” it made me fall limply back into my seat, every nerve ending alive with pleasure. It felt exactly like the time I got an IV drip of Dilaudid in the emergency room. It felt that good.

Several times I’ve made it past the 72 hour mark, which at that point your body is technically clear of nicotine. Your urges are still urges, but they are not brought on by actual withdrawal, just old nicotine feeding cues and psychological desires. The last time I quit I made it 11 days but had that desire of “just one” “once in awhile” so I still occasionally experience the dopamine explosion that a smoker gets when they haven’t had a cigarette in awhile.

So I lit that “just one” up and it felt and tasted like the first cigarette I ever smoked. Completely bereft of pleasure or relief, just a hot mess of burning tobacco, chemicals, and stink. It tasted like shit and made me feel lightheaded. No aaaahhh…quite anticlimactic. Except for the fact that within three days I was smoking a pack a day again.

If you’re at the point where the physical withdrawal has subsided and you’re fantasizing about that one cigarette, the best one you’ve ever had, you won’t get it by having one. There will be no aaaaaahhh because you won’t be replenishing a depleted nicotine supply. You don’t have any nicotine in your body anymore.


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