grow up already

perverted undertone; summer song
June 8, 2009, 1:27 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

just downloaded a shitload of prefuse 73. listening to perverted undertone. god this reminds me of justin. the first time i heard this song, we had been hanging out for like a week. i had been at his house all night, possibly the night of The Scene.* he had put on some mixtape with a bunch of prefuse on it and was helping his roommate clean their apartment while i lounged on the couch. i was leaning out the window and smoking a cigarette and this song came on and it made everything so perfect. the total contentment of that moment amazed me because it might have been the first time since trevor died that i was happy.  even better was the fact that i got to enjoy it alone while he was simply nearby. when i finished my cigarette i dozed off, still feeling that way. later he woke me up (still there! didn’t dream it!) and took me to bed.  he really fucking got to me.  i still think about him. all the what-the-fucks and he’s-just-not-that-into-you won’t change it.

it was things like these feelings and the objective shit combined. how we both loved the movie short circuit, mutual laughage at eachother’s jokes, how he knew and loved every song on my ipod right down to the slim whitman, his own taste in music getting me into a record four bands in three weeks, how he looked like a motherfucking male model except much dirtier, the way he called me after a fishing trip to wish me goodnight and never called me again. all of these things and The Scene* are absolutely megan bait.

i’m over it in the not-a-stalker sense. i think a big reason i still want him is because sometimes it’s nice to feel that fire inside. and someone you only knew for three weeks is perfect for that. nevertheless i’d still accept a longer timeline, even if it gave him the chance to suck as much as everyone else does.

* The Scene is this: one day we went fishing and caught dinner. so that night we’re back at his place and i walk into the kitchen and i see him sorta swaying to kool keith, shirtless with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth, pouring his beer into some kind of marinade for our fish. how can you forget someone who does these things?

summer song is just matt. i thought it was so cool and deep that he liked atmosphere. he left a couple of lines from summer song on my myspace once. they were “there she goes with that look in her eyes/the souls of those that got took by surprise” and i thought it was so cool and deep that he had chosen them. he didn’t even write them though. fucking pathetic. if there are any 7th graders (or um, extremely stupid 22 year olds) reading this, let the spectacular failure of that relationship be a lesson to you: someone knowing which song lyrics are “just right” doesn’t mean shit. in fact, it means they’re a bigger prick than someone who just says what’s on their mind, however ineloquent that might be.


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