grow up already

so i started drinking again
May 7, 2008, 12:44 pm
Filed under: alcohol | Tags:

I’ve been reading a lot about addiction as psychological response to circumstances vs. the disease model. I believe that when there’s a realignment of values and goals, when someone finds something more important than their old lifestyle, they may be able to use again in moderation. I don’t really know what I’ve found in particular that’s more important than my old lifestyle. I guess it’s just a culmination of a million little things. I’ve sort of had the desire to get drunk, but not really. I think about hangovers and losing time and motivation and getting home safely and I realize I have a choice. (My coffee tastes like burnt popcorn.)

When you are 15 years old, you don’t have the wherewithal or self reliance to deal with problems, major or minor. It can be something like an unhappy childhood that’s still right on your ass, or feeling like a fucking dork and trying not to. If you start abusing drugs or alcohol to alleviate that stress, you may never stop. However, when you’re 25 or 30, you’re totally different. You DO have the capacity to deal with life on life’s terms, to take care of your wounds.

By now you’ve gotten over the narcissistic self-consciousness and be in a room full of people. Or hell- maybe you haven’t (by the way- you really should work on that). You can go to bed early and use your hangover free Saturday morning to do something better. I realize this now, but I wouldn’t have unless I stopped drinking for awhile. I don’t like the “choice” of never drinking again any more than I liked the compulsion to. A happy, healthy person will choose accordingly.


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