grow up already


guess i’ll just say this once
August 5, 2007, 9:17 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

hopefully only once, because this way of thinking is horrible. a shitload of people in my family have died of cancer. mainly skin cancer that metastasized. great grandparents, great aunts and uncles, both grandmas, my grandpa has terminal melanoma, and now my dad has cancer. at first i was relieved to hear he “only” has basal cell carcinoma. but both of us just found out that my grandma, who basically had cancer everywhere when she died, started out with basal cell. i went from feeling like it was no big deal to thinking, “my dad has cancer.”

i feel really bad for thinking so negatively and even worse for feeling sorry for myself when my dad and grandpa are sick and don’t need anybody feeling like that. but i feel cursed. doomed. there. i said it.

now i’ll try to focus on thinking and acting more positive- for the living. and wearing sunscreen every fucking day (besides my face), continuing veganism (and people wonder how i can do it- well, i have the worst cancer-causing genes ever and i fucking smoke), quitting smoking, and stopping this bullshit, selfish, panic-inducing, not-helping-anyone, feeling-sorry-for-myself fatalistic thinking about cancer.

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