grow up already

ever have one of those days
July 24, 2007, 10:12 pm
Filed under: quarter life crisis

Where every possible decision you can make just seems like a big pile of shit? I am. Instead of rejoicing in the fact that I am unemcumbered by any real commitments or tie-downs, I’ve spent the past six hours systematically highlighting the negatives of any possible direction life can take.

Move to Portland? Wouldn’t know where to begin. I see a hill in that picture. What if I end up living somewhere shitty and out of the way?

 Move back to San Francisco? What the fuck, been there, done that. So I can run around and party all the time? What if I start drinking again? Do I really want such a hectic existence? Think of the fog. Imagine life as a long commute to and from SF State in the fog. Imagine the $700 rent and astronomical student loan debt.

Stay in Sacramento? What the fuck,  I’ve been here for two years. Nothing has been accomplished. If I’m going to sit around not accomplishing anything, why in the fuck do it in Sacramento?

Or like, fuck where I live and finally start working on a real project, the one I’ve been thinking about doing for years? How you uh, how you comin’ on that novel you’re working on? Huh? Gotta a big, uh, big stack of papers there? Gotta, gotta nice litte story you’re working on there? Your big novel you’ve been working on for 3 years? Huh? Gotta, gotta compelling protaganist? Yeah? Gotta obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Gotta story brewing there? Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? Yea, talking about that 3 years ago. Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your main character is richer from the experience? Yeah? Yeah?

Whatever the case, I hate my life right now. Something needs to be done. This seems to happen once every couple of months. Perhaps I only need more coffee.


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